Why Not Me?

I was walking to the front entrance of our hotel during a trip a few weeks ago, when I saw a family sitting on a bench outside and talking. The parents were sitting on the bench, the teenage son was standing beside it, and the young adult daughter was stretched out on the pavement in front of the bench. And what I heard when I walked past caught my attention.

The mother said, “I know. Sometimes you want to be happy for the person, but it’s hard to be happy for them because you’re wondering why isn’t that happening to me? Why aren’t these things happening for me?”

I didn’t hear the rest of the conservation because of course it wasn’t my place to eavesdrop, and I had already reached the doors to walk inside the hotel.

But these words echoed in my head. “Why aren’t these things happening for me?”

If we’re honest, we’ve asked ourselves a question like this before. At least once. I’m certain everyone has thought this at one point or another in their lives. It could concern any number of possibilities. Why didn’t I get offered the job like they did? Why haven’t I lost weight like they have? Why can’t I have a child like she can?

Jealousy and envy are a common part of our nature.

Take for instance a group of young children. Pass out a lollipop to everyone but a few and see what the reaction would be of those who didn’t receive a lollipop. They would run up to you saying, “I want one! So and so got one, but I didn’t! You forgot me!”. Or consider a toddler’s birthday party. If the birthday child is opening presents, it is sometimes difficult for the other toddlers to sit there and watch that child receive gifts and not wonder where their toy is. Or they may even go as far as take the gifted toy from the birthday boy or girl in an act of indignation. These types of feelings are nothing new.

The comparison trap is real.

There are many examples in the Bible where someone compared themselves to others, leading to envy or discouragement. There was jealousy in the very first family as Cain could not accept the fact that his brother Abel’s offering to the Lord was respected and Cain’s offering was not. Most likely Cain’s offering was not presented in faith or with the right spirit and instead of looking introspectively at the Lord’s response, he took revenge and killed his brother.   

In another story, Rachel envied her sister Leah who was able to give Jacob children while she could not. In fact, she said to Jacob:

Genesis 30:1

Give me children, or else I die.

Joseph’s brothers were so jealous of his favor with their father Jacob, that they sold him into slavery and faked his death. King Saul was so enraged of how the people of Israel sang David’s praises that he repeatedly sought to kill David.

Jesus’ disciples even disputed among themselves who was the greatest:

Mark 9:33-35

33 And he came to Capernaum: and being in the house he asked them, What was it that ye disputed among yourselves by the way?

34 But they held their peace; for by the way they had disputed among themselves, who should be the greatest.

35 And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.

In the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15, the older son became resentful to the father when he asked why gifts and a party were given for the return of his sinful younger brother when the older son did nothing but serve his father all these years, without receiving similar gifts and parties.

Simon, a sorcerer in Samaria, believed in the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ and was baptized. When he saw the apostles lay hands on people to receive the Holy Ghost, Simon offered them money to give him the power to lay hands on people so they could receive the Holy Ghost. He wanted the power and authority the apostles had.

Even though I’ve highlighted just a few examples, I think you catch my point. Yes, the comparison trap is real. Whether it’s about acceptance, the blessing of children, favor, praise, superiority or power, we can relate to feeling slighted when someone else is getting what we think we should receive.  

So how do we escape the comparison trap?

It is exceptionally easy to fall into the comparison trap. Why do they have that and I don’t? Why do they get that treatment and I don’t? Why did they get that opportunity and I didn’t?

Instead of comparing ourselves to other people, I believe God wants us to do the exact opposite. I believe He want us to see how we are different from anyone else, how we are special. We are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).

The question remains, how do we refrain from becoming jealous and envious of people and their possessions and opportunities when our society is constantly bombarding us with the achievements of others, especially through social media feeds and similar avenues? Here are three things to consider when you feel like you are getting caught in the comparison trap.

THOUGHT #1: God made us unique. There is absolutely no one else like you – now or ever before. We have our own blueprint, which includes our DNA and our fingerprints. That’s a unique blueprint for every person that was ever born. Even identical twins, who share the same DNA, have different fingerprints. You are the only you that will ever exist.

Think about this for a moment. On the sixth day, God again observed all of His Creation.

Genesis 1:31

And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.

Very good. That includes you. Exactly the way you were made.

THOUGHT #2: God gives us our own set of spiritual gifts. This list includes the gifts of prophesying or preaching, serving, teaching, encouraging, giving, leadership, and compassion.

Romans 12:6-8

6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;

7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;

8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.

Everyone has unique talents and gifts the Lord has given us to further His Kingdom. It is up to us to recognize our gifts and utilize them instead of focusing our attention on and wishing we had the talents and gifts of others. We were not made to have the same combination of gifts as others. Everyone has at least one of the above gifts, if not several. If you are struggling to understand what your gifts are, pray that the Lord will help you discern what they are. Remember that your desired spiritual gift may not actually be the greatest one the Lord has given you. When you are using your gift(s) to fulfill the Lord’s will, you will be more content and less likely to be jealous or envious of others.

THOUGHT #3: God sets us in our own sphere of influence. No one else in the world has the same sphere of influence. Even though you may share the same mother, father, and siblings with someone, you will not share with anyone else the same exact children, church family, neighbors, teachers, students, coworkers, health care providers, or other daily interactions. Your circle of influence in this world at this given point in time is yours, and yours only. Take advantage of it. Be a good influence in His name.

We shouldn’t be overly concerned with other people’s sphere of influence or future endeavors. We need to focus on our own path and the purpose set for our own life. When Jesus and Peter are discussing Peter’s future, Peter notices that John is following them and inquires what will become of John. The Lord responds in a way to infer that it wasn’t Peter’s concern what John’s future held compared to his own.

John 21:21-22

21 Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?

22 Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? Follow thou me.

Jesus reminded Peter that it was his business to follow Him and be faithful in the pathway that the Lord led him in, not to be concerned with John’s pathway, which would be different.

Ponder this.

I hope these three thoughts will help if you find yourself asking, “Why aren’t these things happening for me?”. While we may wrestle with comparison, envy and jealousy, God has made other plans. Rachel eventually gave birth to Joseph, Jacob’s favored son, who would become one of the highest rulers in Egypt. Joseph would also end up rescuing (from starvation) the very brothers that sold him into slavery. The Bible provides many other happy endings that are too numerous to mention in this short post.

We may want to follow in someone else’s footsteps because that particular path looks appealing. However, the Lord has paved our own path that leads to an even better endpoint and reward for us specifically. It is custom made. And that’s our answer to “Why not me?”.

What will you do with this day you’ve been given? How will you make it matter for His Kingdom?